Don’t call them confused, they are fence sitters

I have been fortunate to be traveling and visiting friends and families settled by and large in Europe and US since childhood. Just thought of jotting down some observations and patterns I observed in the last 3 decades.This is about those who immigrate from India as students or through work in early twenties, unmarried.

 We can categorize all such Indian immigrants to two types :

a.)    Those who love to be in the other continent, endorse the way of life, go there as students, meet someone from other or their own cultures, live with them for few years and eventually marry and settle down. In the same category there are those who wish to stay single, make money, make it very clear that they are happier there and Indian roots were good riddance. They too date and lead happy, carefree life severing all ties with India except with very close friends and relatives. Both types actually accept the fact that they like it there and are straight shooters. By and large they come from broad minded family backgrounds back in India.  Are very transparent, embrace change by nature.

b.)    Then there is the second category who lead segmented lives there - one for their parents and Indian culture and the other life is the American/ British or wherever they are that culture’s given. The latter is the life they love to death. But given the image they created with families back home they do not have the guts to break that image. Or maybe they are too hardwired to break it. Consequently these are the torn types who keep lingering decisions. There is a huge gap between the expectations they set with their families and the personal life they enjoy living abroad. You find them perpetually oscillating between normalcy and unpredictable behavior. They become quite concealing by nature.

It’s the second category which is not confused but fence sitters they want to sit in two boats where they are confident of manipulating both the worlds and keep them going.  Most of this type belong to conservative family backgrounds from India. They hold high reverence towards their parents and the ideals they endorse, unconsciously they dream of living that reality some day, they are also aware that those ideals are way too out of perspective to the life they are leading. There is no meeting point.

Most of such kind end up leading an unfulfilled life, lonely, wrought with depression related illnesses or heavy drinking in later years of their lives. In an extreme case I lost a cousin subscribing to this format. Very brilliant, gold medalist, engineer. Wish he had the guts to live one life, maintaining two faces makes one fall someday, that is the truth. Also its not worth it, embrace the life you love and pay the price that it takes – moderate the image at home, rest assured every one back home will still respect you. Its one life you have, live it to the lees.