Small surprises - Varying Senstivities

I always feel that we define ourselves through our relationships. What goes around comes around. The way i was brought up was to think more about the other in a relationship whether its with a friend, with a pet or cousin. I think i observed that in all that my parents and family did - to think/ feel more about "the other" in a relationship. No doubt that helped me nurture the most amazing friendships and connections that i cherish today.  

Here is an anecdote that surprised me. In the maddening maze of things we become so self centered nevertheless it reveals sensitivities. There are two friends who go to watch a movie. One of the friends receives a call that the fish, the only pet he had, had jumped out of the fish bowl and died. He felt sad and on the behest of his accompanying friend went to check out purchasing another fish even before reaching home and checking on his dead pet. It so happened that they could not purchase another fish and on returning home the supposedly dead fish survived.

Its different and cannot be treated like a  “quick fix” just like i replace a light bulb." People replace pets after the fact here jumping the gun was surprising.

Nobody actually thought about the poor fish or the relationship with it, a living creature dependent just on you for its existence. Its matter of sensitivities. In larger scheme of things we might be as inconsequential as this fish do we want to be treated like this one?

Nuggets of wisdom

Let me share a quote that sprung in my mind today morning.

During my growing up years I had a mentor Uncle, we used to exchange quotes that impressed us he used to call them “ nuggets of wisdom”.

This quote is dedicated to those "friends" wrapped in themselves who reach you at their convenience for their convenience. Their inconsistency is their only constant.

The quote goes like this – “ You may not tell me from where you are coming or where you want to go but the way you walk tells me your story.”

Some of our "friends" share with us selectively - realities, which might affect our opinion about them. I appreciate their privacy but any reality that impacts my relationship with my friend if kept opaque is not acceptable its building a perception which is not true. Are we hiding something from others or ourselves? Actually we need no enemies outside we gull ourselves amazingly well. Anyways such " friendships" i suppose die a natural death.

Absolute integrity is the only lesson we are expected to learn, one has to achieve it whether one is being watched or not. To learn this lesson we determine our own time we might defer it to next 10 births, 10000 or 10 quadrillion.

Healthy to have critics around

I think sometimes critics are better than “superficial friends” , they give us a different way of looking at the same situation. Often I find that the one who is undergoing a situation gets  too subjective to take diverse points of view into consideration. Critics come handy then. We are assuming its constructive criticism given the intent of the critic is to just present a different point of view than anything else.

Its like you are putting a picture frame on the wall and someone standing at a distance lets you set the angle for the best possible results.

Some of my best friends are my best critics, most ardent ones if I may say the least. But I love them for their criticism.

King’s Speech and Jodha Akbar

These two movies had one thing in common as I see it. King’s speech has Lionel the friend who enables unravel the knots in the heart of Berty to liberate him from his stammer and Jodha gave herself up completely to Akbar only when he creates his own niche in her heart. She teaches him to connect to the pulse of his empire - the hearts of his people.

Essentially as i I see it if one explores deeply that the root cause of what the head thought and acted upon rested with the heart. There were the best physicians at Berty’s disposal who made him do everything possible to exercise his muscles etc etc but as Lionel says “ the root lies much, much deeper” and then this friend traces it to King’s childhood. Berty is hesitant to let this doctor get into his personal space but then is courageous enough to allow him in after some resistance. Akbar too being the most powerful ruler had to learn simple lessons from Jodha to peep into the hearts of his people and as soon as he does it new doors open. His reign scales a new peak, a new level.

Nuances of the heart can only be understood by the heart they have no logic. Most often people who are brainy try controlling their world of emotions. We all do it. Assuming brain/intellect power to be the ultimate power which got us where we are, we trust it better than our heart. Maybe because brain/ head gets us tangible results – the wealth we accumulate, the degrees we earned. But understanding and wisdom I think comes out of a fine balance of when to switch off the intellect and switch on the heart and vica versa.

Lionel had no degrees, he had experience of understanding the nuances of human behavior and confidence to be able to reach other human beings and touch their hearts – listen to them, participate in their pain. The King with world’s wealth at his disposal stammered he was in a given situation  Life/ God/ Fate wanted him to be in. Each had his own challenges. To me the challenges the King faced were more daunting because given the fact that Lionel finally becomes rich completes his circle, the King has a long way to go. Though he made good progress in trusting his heart, a friend who was not a certified doctor, his gut feeling that this friend will get him out of this situation. But when compared to Lionel his understanding of matters of the heart was as good as a student’s. Lionel was a teacher, he had mastered it.

I think emotional growth is much slower than the intellectual growth. Its like we grow physically the fastest, then comes intellect which can be partially genetic but emotional growth is completely self driven genetics has no play there evolution of the soul has maybe some play. Our accumulated emotional growth over lifetimes has some difference to make, may be.