Love Is Incapable of Adjustment - From J Krishnamurti

You all receive selected forwards from me from the J Krishnamurti daily quotes, pasting below something that is worth cherishing - it sums up so well and is crystal clear.

Love Is Incapable of Adjustment

Love is not a thing of the mind, is it? Love is not merely the sexual act, is it? Love is something which the mind can not possibly conceive. Love is something which cannot be formulated. And without love, you become related; without love, you marry. Then, in that marriage, you "adjust yourselves" to each other. Lovely phrase! You adjust yourselves to each other, which is again an intellectual process, is it not? . . . This adjustment is obviously a mental process. All adjustments are. But, surely, love is incapable of adjustment. You know, sirs, don't you, that if you love another, there is no "adjustment." There is only complete fusion. Only when there is no love do we begin to adjust. And this adjustment is called marriage. Hence, marriage fails, because it is the very source of conflict, a battle between two people. It is an extraordinarily complex problem, like all problems, but more so because the appetites, the urges, are so strong. So, a mind which is merely adjusting itself can never be chaste. A mind which is seeking happiness through sex can never be chaste. Though you may momentarily have, in that act, self-abnegation, self-forgetfulness, the very pursuit of that happiness, which is of the mind, makes the mind unchaste. Chastity comes into being only where there is love. - J. Krishnamurti, The Book of Life

More quotes from Morari Bapu

Well had to come back with the few other quotes or "shairs" i jotted in my listening to the discourse this time. Again i mention its my short coming not being able to jot down the names of the poets he ascribed these to while quoting.

-  जो खुद को पकड़ लेता है वोह खुदा को पकड़ लेता है. - Morari Bapu

-  जिनको पकड़अ था हाथ समझकर, वोह दस्ताने निकले.

-  तोर ली मैंने बेरियाँ सब, अब न तू चाहिए न रब
मैं तो यूही गुनेहगार था, इसमें  तेरी गवाही गज़ब
तेरी पाकीजगी पर न कहीं तोहमत लगे,
तू  बेवफा हुआ, हुआ लेकिन न  होना अब बेअदब
हमसफ़र  हैं  और सहारे भी हैं, अश्क क्यों फिर भेह रहे हैं बेसबब
तोर ली मैंने बेरियाँ सब अब न तू चाहिए न रब.

- मुझे काम है इश्वर से दुनिया रूठती है तो रूठे

- हमने हसरतों के दाग आंसुओं से धो लिए, आपकी मर्ज़ी आप बोलिए या न बोलिए

- महबूब जो भी दे वोह महबूब है

- देखकर दिलकशी ज़माने की आरज़ू है फिर धोखा खाने की,

 ए गेम ज़िन्दगी तू नाराज़ न हो, हमे आदत है मुस्कुराने की.

 

Morari Bapu - Love you !

 Every time i hear him i love and respect him even more he is .........A TRUE BLESSING, i do not know what i did all i can say is " Thank God for YOU ", must have done some things good over past births....

Sharing just a couple quotes of the scores he must shared over the discourse of 9 days, will share few more after referring my notes

सितारों को आँखों मैं महफूज़ रखना

बहुत दूर तक रात ही रात होगी

मुसाफिर हैं हम भी मुसाफिर हो तुम भी

किसी मोड़ पर फिर मुलाक़ात होगी

मेरे दिल के किसी कोने में एक मासूम सा बच्चा रहता है

जो देख कर बरो की दुनिया बरा  होने से डरता है

Sorry could not capture the poets as when he referred names. It was wonderful hearing him over Navratri, the discourse he gave at Haridwar.

Agent of change

Over time one realises that the only thing / person one can change is ones self. Thats the best and surest way to bring about any change. I agree with Aurobindo when he says " one cannot teach". Each of us learns what we have to, when we have to, we all are in different stages of evolution. We all arrive in our own time :)

Its like a journey one meets people with some one connects instantly, effortlessly , others just pass by. Those who value your touch stay back with you others rub shoulders and move on. One cannot calculate or manipulate it.

So i tell myself stay focused work just on yourself and move on so that one has no regrets.

Small surprises - Varying Senstivities

I always feel that we define ourselves through our relationships. What goes around comes around. The way i was brought up was to think more about the other in a relationship whether its with a friend, with a pet or cousin. I think i observed that in all that my parents and family did - to think/ feel more about "the other" in a relationship. No doubt that helped me nurture the most amazing friendships and connections that i cherish today.  

Here is an anecdote that surprised me. In the maddening maze of things we become so self centered nevertheless it reveals sensitivities. There are two friends who go to watch a movie. One of the friends receives a call that the fish, the only pet he had, had jumped out of the fish bowl and died. He felt sad and on the behest of his accompanying friend went to check out purchasing another fish even before reaching home and checking on his dead pet. It so happened that they could not purchase another fish and on returning home the supposedly dead fish survived.

Its different and cannot be treated like a  “quick fix” just like i replace a light bulb." People replace pets after the fact here jumping the gun was surprising.

Nobody actually thought about the poor fish or the relationship with it, a living creature dependent just on you for its existence. Its matter of sensitivities. In larger scheme of things we might be as inconsequential as this fish do we want to be treated like this one?

Nuggets of wisdom

Let me share a quote that sprung in my mind today morning.

During my growing up years I had a mentor Uncle, we used to exchange quotes that impressed us he used to call them “ nuggets of wisdom”.

This quote is dedicated to those "friends" wrapped in themselves who reach you at their convenience for their convenience. Their inconsistency is their only constant.

The quote goes like this – “ You may not tell me from where you are coming or where you want to go but the way you walk tells me your story.”

Some of our "friends" share with us selectively - realities, which might affect our opinion about them. I appreciate their privacy but any reality that impacts my relationship with my friend if kept opaque is not acceptable its building a perception which is not true. Are we hiding something from others or ourselves? Actually we need no enemies outside we gull ourselves amazingly well. Anyways such " friendships" i suppose die a natural death.

Absolute integrity is the only lesson we are expected to learn, one has to achieve it whether one is being watched or not. To learn this lesson we determine our own time we might defer it to next 10 births, 10000 or 10 quadrillion.

Healthy to have critics around

I think sometimes critics are better than “superficial friends” , they give us a different way of looking at the same situation. Often I find that the one who is undergoing a situation gets  too subjective to take diverse points of view into consideration. Critics come handy then. We are assuming its constructive criticism given the intent of the critic is to just present a different point of view than anything else.

Its like you are putting a picture frame on the wall and someone standing at a distance lets you set the angle for the best possible results.

Some of my best friends are my best critics, most ardent ones if I may say the least. But I love them for their criticism.

King’s Speech and Jodha Akbar

These two movies had one thing in common as I see it. King’s speech has Lionel the friend who enables unravel the knots in the heart of Berty to liberate him from his stammer and Jodha gave herself up completely to Akbar only when he creates his own niche in her heart. She teaches him to connect to the pulse of his empire - the hearts of his people.

Essentially as i I see it if one explores deeply that the root cause of what the head thought and acted upon rested with the heart. There were the best physicians at Berty’s disposal who made him do everything possible to exercise his muscles etc etc but as Lionel says “ the root lies much, much deeper” and then this friend traces it to King’s childhood. Berty is hesitant to let this doctor get into his personal space but then is courageous enough to allow him in after some resistance. Akbar too being the most powerful ruler had to learn simple lessons from Jodha to peep into the hearts of his people and as soon as he does it new doors open. His reign scales a new peak, a new level.

Nuances of the heart can only be understood by the heart they have no logic. Most often people who are brainy try controlling their world of emotions. We all do it. Assuming brain/intellect power to be the ultimate power which got us where we are, we trust it better than our heart. Maybe because brain/ head gets us tangible results – the wealth we accumulate, the degrees we earned. But understanding and wisdom I think comes out of a fine balance of when to switch off the intellect and switch on the heart and vica versa.

Lionel had no degrees, he had experience of understanding the nuances of human behavior and confidence to be able to reach other human beings and touch their hearts – listen to them, participate in their pain. The King with world’s wealth at his disposal stammered he was in a given situation  Life/ God/ Fate wanted him to be in. Each had his own challenges. To me the challenges the King faced were more daunting because given the fact that Lionel finally becomes rich completes his circle, the King has a long way to go. Though he made good progress in trusting his heart, a friend who was not a certified doctor, his gut feeling that this friend will get him out of this situation. But when compared to Lionel his understanding of matters of the heart was as good as a student’s. Lionel was a teacher, he had mastered it.

I think emotional growth is much slower than the intellectual growth. Its like we grow physically the fastest, then comes intellect which can be partially genetic but emotional growth is completely self driven genetics has no play there evolution of the soul has maybe some play. Our accumulated emotional growth over lifetimes has some difference to make, may be.

Dubai - Exotic land of the Arabs

Well when i tell you that i am a rich lady , i really am........for i possess diamonds that glitter in my darkest hours, who care for me, feel for me and pamper me.These diamonds are few of my selected friends and matured friendships i am giving an introduction to none other than MANJARI my college buddy who has been a friend more than last couple of decades.

All these years she had been inviting me to visit her in Dubai and all this while i had one excuse or the other till last couple of weeks when i visited Dubai on her behest and stayed with her for a week. Travelling and exposing ones self to other places, ways of living , cultures and perspectives is one of the most valuable gifts one can give oneself. Following this line of thought i try and travel whenever i can where ever i can. The de learning and re learning is an amazing exercise and one never remains the same after the experience.

Trip to Dubai besides unfolding the opulence of the province removed more than one cobwebs i had weaved in my mind around the Islamic cultures. To me till i visited it was a culture which was restrictive, intolerant and narrow minded. Now after i visited Dubai all that has been washed away Arabs are one of the most tolerant, warm hearted and open minded people who accomodate other cultures while maintaining the nuances of their own. I saw pork on restaurant menus, women dressed in short dresses along with women in veil all co existing in such a beautiful harmony. Everyone being looked at with equal dignity.

Technically speaking Dubai had the latest electronic gadgets, Mercedes and BMW appear as cheap cars because we see so many of them, some of the exotic sports models are seen off and on, there is a floating bridge they have which is few metres above the sea level, the sea is almost running parallel to it while one drives. We see roads lined with beds of pansies and oak trees with a network of water pipes for automatic irrigation. Every year the city reclaims parts of the desert and increases it boundary into it. They have ski slopes made in malls and desert safaris a call away. The systems function as effectively as in the US and the law and order is more seamless than in the US. I did not see half as many patrolling police cars as many i saw in the US. I was told that the police here moves in civil suits. One can see abandoned houses lying vacant no one tresspasses or poaches others domain. If one has to rent out a place one needs to switch the lights on and keep the doors open so that interested parties can walk around and reach you. People leave their shops open when they go out for prayers during the day.

I was told the total population of Dubai is 35 lakhs so one does not see flood of people its very spaced out no crowds except for weekends on popular joints. Men and women are very fashion conscious and by far quite handsome and pretty in comparison to their counterparts in US or UK. The beach walk area is as romantic as the one you walk at Santa Monica with very nice cafes lined up tastefully all along. Initially looking at the women i thought them to be European till i was told that besides the local Arab population most of them were Jordanians, Serbians and Russians. Most of the women wear good amount of makeup and are very conscious of their attire in spite of their veil. They support such exotic diamond rings, bangles, Gucci, Coach handbags, Arabic women wear very strong perfumes which linger way after they pass by you in the malls. One did not see frustration or unhappiness under the veil it was more of a smug contentment in their own world in spite of the women in mini skirts around them. One saw Arabic women in these ground sweeping black gown with huge hair buns under their black scarfs swirming the beach walks in their stilletoes. The men also supported those white robes and the head gear which was mysteriously held by the black band. I used to almost stare at them to see how they manage to retain the head scarf without letting it fall :)

On the lowlights the system of governance is monarchy which is widely accepted and did not see any signs of resistance. An average local is well taken care of with their education being free and quite a few facilities doled out to them on a silver platter. For immigrants its risky to invest in ownership because the beliefs of the rulers is the law of the land there is no sense of belonging or ownership they can have. The status of citizenship is granted to none no matter how many years one has been living there. All businesses have to have 41 - 51 % stakeholding of the locals. Alcohol is served in restaurants with licence and is not sold anywhere in public places such as water parks or malls. Paan is altogether banned from being sold or in any form so i missed it after those nice Turkish meals. I was told this is because of the spitting culture around it.

Well amidst all these i was treated like a queen where Manjari took me to a home made Arabic barbacue hosted by her brother at his grand bunglow, Turkish, Chinese, Italian eating joints, water parks and desert safari and topping to the cake was when she hosted a champagne toast at the exclusive Atmosphere the restaurant on the 122nd floor of the Burj Khalifa the tallest building in the world with its height shooting  828 m (2,717 ft) from the ground level. I could not have asked for more to see, taste and please my senses with. Manjari's Dubai was wonderful, without her all would have been very black and white. She added colour and life to it.

Thank you Manjari i will cherish our time together always !

Introspecting - Relationships

Hi !

This is my first write up of the year. Well 2010 was fairly good for my blog space as I feel I did much better than 2009.

What I am thinking about these days is -  is price only limited to currency? So many of us are rich with currency but bankrupt of emotions or compassion. We assume that all that can be deposited is in banks so that one can withdraw but for everything else we feel there is nothing to deposit. Especially when it comes to relationships. Do we bother to be just there for our loved ones or are we there only at our convenience? Are we really, really there for our friends when they truly need us or are we with them only during celebrations or milestones. Do we find ourselves around them just for nothing, just being there……….giving of yourself, investing yourself? :)

Relationships of convenience will always be shallow, superficial and exist at 2 feet level and  expecting it to give a harvest of 200 feet depth is foolish. Depth is only cultivated over time with much more giving than expecting. Its more of loving selflessly, unconditionally without being judgmental which is tough. We are kind to a friend last couple of times and want that they remove blemishes in relationship of the last 10 years. Is it really fair? Do we really, truly invest ourselves in our relationships without any motive?

These are the thoughts passing my mind these days and I am stirring myself to realize and not replicate the Utilitarian model of material world of use and throw to relationships.Building relationships is key and to some extent key differentiator in keeping one grounded.

There was a saying i had read, i value friends who have time for me on their calendar but i cherish friends who for me would not consult a calendar.

Lets see how 2011 unfolds :) wishing one and all the very best !!!!!!!!!!!!!!